Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Remember me

"To live on in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."Thomas Campbell

The days following my mother's death, I was amazed at the number of people who came to our family to give their condolences and offer acts of kindness during our time of sadness. It was really profound to see the sheer number of people that she had touched that I had never met. She was so loved by all that met her and it made me so proud to meet these people in her everyday life that would miss her too. From the owner of the nail salon that she visited each month for her manicures and pedicures, to the man who took care of her yard, they were all grieving her, missing her smile and gentle voice. She made an impression on so many with her kindness, her compassion, her vulnerability. With my mom there was no competition, no judgement, no expectations. Only love. And she offered all she had to everyone she knew. She was forgiving, trusting, honest. When you looked into her eyes, you saw nothing but tenderness and love. She was honestly the most kind person I've ever known.

So seeing these strangers come to show their respect and shed tears of sorrow with us shouldn't have surprised me. But its not often that you see so many that loved someone so much, especially when they may have known them only a short time. And the funny thing is, mom would have been so surprised and a little embarrassed that so many made such a fuss. I don't think that she truly knew how much she was loved, not only by her family but by those she had touched along the way.

I began to think about my own life, the people in it, past and present, and how I would be remembered. Will those I leave behind remember me with love and affection? Will they miss our hugs and laughter? Will they feel a loss in their heart like I feel for my mom? Or have I really touched others in the way that she did? In my life, I've tried to love completely, even those that made it difficult, and I hope my love will be missed. I know that I have given all that I can to those I care about and I've tried to make a difference in others along my way, but who knows what that love will leave behind. Did I love enough? I just hope that when I am gone that those who knew me will remember me as a person who did her best to make others in her life happy. And as a person who loved fully. That's all I can ask.

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