"Grief is a journey that you ultimately take alone, along with your broken heart."
One of the things I have found along my journey without my mom is that when something like this happens to you, something so powerful that permanently disrupts life as you know it, things change. Its inevitable, I guess. The relationships you had before this happened, seemed strong, supportive, familiar, beneficial. But in the end, when you begin to see some light in your life, you re-evaluate every one of them. The person they knew before is gone. Heartache and pain has changed you and you can't change back. Even if you tried, you just can't. Its as if the person you've spent your whole life becoming, is gone. There are fragments of who you were before that show themselves from time to time, moments of happiness that can mask the change to others, but your new persona ultimately arrives. There's no stopping it. Can they know and love this new version of you? Is there enough of your former self still there to find the ties that bind us? There's an uncertainty with this change. A confusion about what to do next. Even a feeling of being reborn into a life you don't really know how to live yet.
What I guess I'll take from what I've learned so far is that nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever be the same. Some say change is good. New opportunities, new horizons, blah, blah, blah. I don't really know if I believe the whole "change is good" saying but I do know that change is here and its not leaving. So, new friend, how do we do this? I'm broken, uninspired, trapped in a whirlpool of emotion. Feel free to pull me out anytime and tell me how in the hell we're going to fix this one, 'cause I don't know.
It's broken hearted especially to not have your mother, I know what it means to not have your mother I know because my mother is not with me and there are days when I wish she was still here so I can talk on the phone when I need a word but I do thank God that I have my relationship with Christ that I can come to Him for help and though my mother is not with me she will always be with me in spirit. Those memories I have of her will never die.
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